Judgement, Imperfection, and Sweet Relief
Time is one of those things that can seem to stand still, boring class or long meeting anyone? Or it can be gone in a blink of an eye, especially when you have a fast approaching deadline or growing children. This month the sense of never having enough time was ever present. In fact I missed a couple of deadlines and didn’t realize it until after the fact, this is so not my norm.
The general energetic vibe has been one of moving forward. Which is exciting, new adventures to be had new stories to unfold. But it also involves some preparation.
This has two parts – letting go of the old to make way for the new and laying the foundation for what is being birthed. Both of these take time and not a preconceived 30 minute block of time. It takes as long as it takes.
Letting go sometimes is quick and efficient, but mostly it’s not. There are layers that don’t get revealed until the outer one is peeled away. And if you ignore them they will come back and demand that you deal with them.
Laying the foundation has its own set of timelines. There are a lot of details and unknowns. I’m not so crazy about the details, it’s not my strong suit, and often severely underestimate the amount of time it takes to tend to them. The unknowns well, are just that, sometimes quick and others lengthy.
The swirl of this push pull with time had me getting a bit cranky overall and judgey with myself. My mental chatter chanted what ‘s wrong with you it’s right there on the list you should have finished it. And one of my reactions is an ever unhelpful ‘you’re not the boss of me’ teenager type chant. It has me procrastinating; after all it is vitally important that the shower be scrubbed NOW! Right?
When I finally admit and recognize I’m in this pattern, and that my type A personality has jumped into the drivers’ seat and is careening at break neck speed down a winding highway. I have to unplug, ditch the to do list, turn off the phone(ouch!), close the laptop, and regroup.
I may read a racy romance novel, drink a cup of tea(while it’s still hot), walk no actually sit on the beach, meditate a little longer than normal, actually stop and smell the roses on my walk, I have to take the time to reconnect with the quiet voice inside that tells me I am whole, I am complete, and I am wonderfully imperfect. And that is exactly enough.
What do you do to unplug from the monkey mind of never enough?