What: We all want to be seen and accepted for who we authentically are. It is one of our core needs. An important part of this is to see and accept others for who they are. Too often, we project our own hopes and desires onto the other people in our lives and judge them when they don’t fulfill them, making both people feel bad.
Attachment to certain conditions or ways of showing up, blocks our ability to actually see others for who they are instead of just seeing what we want them to give to us.
Why: We are hardwired to look for similarities in others in an effort to connect. We even have neurons in our brain, mirror neurons, that help us modulate how we interact with someone in an attempt to match behaviors and connect.
Sometimes when we interact with others, we operate from a place of what we want from them. When you gauge someone’s responses in terms of how it affects you, or their suitability for some role you would like them to play in your life, they will have a harder time trusting you, not feel comfortable with you, and miscommunications are far more likely. You’re also sending a message to yourself that being your authentic self is not safe.
Integration: Practice non-attachment and no “agenda” in a conversation with someone.
Have a conversation with someone where your only agenda is listening to and understanding them. Unplug from the mental chatter that is playing in your mind. Let go of any thoughts that relate to how they could be beneficial or harmful for you. Focus on seeing the other person and being your authentic self.